From all Angles

A strong and overwhelming attack has been waged on me, both physical and mental, and I feel ill prepared to deal with any one of the issues I am having much less being able to deal with all angles.  I am weak and fragile mentally right now, then why too, must the physical ailments hit in full force?  My head is spinning and reality is faltering.  I can't see clear from the middle of this raging war.  I am not able to catch my breath before the next wave of pain, responsibility, or crisis hits.  I am not finding the answer to hard questions I am only finding more questions.  My grasp on keeping it together is slipping. The line between who I should be, who I am meant to be, and who I am right now, seems to be widening.

I can't deal with one crisis before two more step in and vie for my attention.  How do I see past all of the stuff to what is most important.  And how do I deal with it all?   I miss simple.  I miss health. I miss happiness. I miss control. I miss comfort. I miss joy.  I miss sleep.  I miss clarity.  I miss excitement. I miss my children.  I miss nuturing.  I miss babies.  I miss leisure.  I miss peace.  I miss me...

War rages on... I cannot surrender, but at times during war I need to Retreat.  Regroup. Reevaluate. Remember. A good Captain figures it all out and puts everything in order before the battle can be won.  What does all this mean for me.  I couldn't tell you at this moment.  But as I seek to understand my enemy, to fortify myself, to put on my armor and to strategize, I am nervous for the outcome.  How do I become strong and immovable always abounding in good works, with sticks and stones and arrows being hurled at me from every angle?

Where is my repreave. Where is my Solace. Where is my safehold.  Where can I turn... The enemy is closing in... I will not surrender.  I hope.